Chuck Taylors and The Pillows

Getting A Little Personal

Okay, I realized that there is a side of me that I never revealed to you people. A side that I've always kept to myself, only to be shared with family members. You may be wondering to what I'm referring, I've been very up front with you about many thing, my real name (Terry Bartley), where I go to college (Marshall University), even my hopes and dreams (you're going to have to look that one up yourself, I know I've put it in here somewhere). The truth is I never found a point to vent to you about my father. That is, until I read a post of how one of my friends feels about her's. I'm on the verge of celebrity here people, and it might be a good idea to get all the dirty laundry out here before some entertainment reporter starts taking it out to dry before I've even added the detergent. Okay, here it goes, this is a
pretty long story, full of emotion, that way you guys will know the story behind that "I hate my dad" song I'm gonna write. It all started about nine years ago, on the day after Christmas. That's right, my dad left his family behind the day after Christmas, when I was only in 3rd grade. It turns out he didn't leave alone, but with another woman, one he'd apparently been seeing for a while, unbeknowst to his family. He did stuff with us (me and my brother) for about a year or two to follow, but that ended pretty quick. I tried for years to try to bring my father back into my life, but it seemed as if he didn't care. I had a happy childhood, don't get me wrong. My mom means so much to me, she was so strong. She had a good job at a bank
before she had my brother, then quit it to raise us. She went back to work after about 12 years. That right, she was a house wife for 12 years and the life she was used to was taken away from her in an instant. She got a job at the local grocery store and she had to work night-shift because there was no other openings. We didn't have a lot of money and my brother and I barely ever saw our mother in these
years, but it wasn't her fault. Nothing bad that happened in my childhood can be blamed on my mother, she did all she could to give us a semi-normal life, and it worked. We didn't have much, but she still got us just about anything we wanted. She says she regrets not getting us as much as she had wanted to back then, but I now regret being so selfish and not saying, no, get yourself something, I don't want that. I almost passed as one of the upper middle class kids at school, I had no problem getting by, it was my mom who did. I can't say I know what it was like for her, because I have no clue, the only thing I know is how easy I had it. I had a rough time getting used to not seeing either of my parents on a regular basis, but I had a grandma and uncle that love me and were always there, even when it was this bad. But this story isn't about my mother, its about my dad. He has lived about 45 minutes from my house almost since her left. I know where he lives, but kids can't drive, so I rarely saw him unless he took an urge to come see me. I hated the woman he's with, in my mind it was her fault that my family was the was it is. I was young, I don't know one way or the other. All I knew is that, in my eyes, my dad way a good man, nothing bad really happened until she showed up. That still sticks with me today, I don't know if I blame her anymore, but I don't want to be around her, no matter how much closer it would bring me to my dad if I did. Whenever I'm near here it brings up all those memories of when I was young and had no parent there. Regardless of whether it was really all her fault or if she was just along for the ride, I don't ever want to have anything to do with her. I can forgive her, if she was a part of it, but I don't think it is required for me to be around her. I can get along just fine with just on mom, the one I have is the only one I could really love anyway. That is the reason my dad probably didn't do as much stuff with me as he could have. Every time he wanted to do something, he wanted to bring her along. I could stand that, can't he understand he's the one I care about, he's the one I want to see, not her. Why does she have to be there? I don't need her to be a part of my life, she's a part of his, that's enough. That's the way it was for awhile. I was either forced to spend time with the both of them, or I just didn't
see him. That is, until I didn't spend time with either of them. That wasn't my fault, he just quit calling. When I would wait for his calls, that used to be at least weekly, became bi-monthly, then monthly, then every other month, then bi-yearly, then finally it became pure luck if he'd call me once a year. The gifts at Christmas and my Birthday stopped coming. I wouldn't even get a Christmas card from him some years. I didn't want it to be that way, but I had no choice. That is until a couple of years ago, I got word that his brother was in the hospital. His family never really communicated well to each other, but I thought he should know. I called him, told him what happened, then asked if he'd take me with him to go see my uncle. On the way there I voiced my complaints. I felt in the car was a better time then any, either he'd kill us both or he'd have to listen, and I prayed he'd go for the latter. He listened, but he wasn't happy. He liked to assume that I was the reason we didn't ever see each other. He liked to assume he was not the one to blame and that somehow my mom had corrupted me into hating him. I'm here to say that if I hate my dad, he is the only one to blame. No one needed to convince me when he gave to so many reasons to on his own. He would deny things I knew were true, did he think I was stupid, that I had no memory of my childhood and could not see the things he had done. Did he repress the memories of all the bad things he did, I don't see how, because I could never forget. Every Christmas I am remembered of what he did, every time I talk to my mom, at least 7 times out of 10 the conversation becomes about him. He did this to us. He was such a huge part of our lives and then he ripped all that away. I don't hate him for one mistake, but for the mistakes he made over and over again, almost as if he enjoyed hurting us. I'm not going to go over all the nasty things he did to us, that wouldn't be fair, but I will say that if I do hate him, it is justified, trust me. Now it is back to the
way it was, the way where if I hear from him, it will be confined within one year intervals. I can't tell you the last time I've talked to my dad, but I think its been well over a year. I think that's about all I have to say. If you hear that song by me, be proud of yourself for knowing the real story. Wow, was really long and probably the most personal I'm ever going to get with most of you. Sorry if you don't care, I just thought you might want to know, maybe you could find some Freudian links in my past posts. Later Days.

It's April Fools Day!

I'll be honest, I'm not a big fan of April Fools Day. As most of you know, I prefer to make fun of credible holidays, like Thanksgiving. Heck, I once composed a stand-up routine in which I made fun of all the winter holidays. As you can tell, I don't need a special holiday to tell me when it is okay of mess with people, I would rather do it every other day of the year. However, I was considering playing an April Fools joke on my employers at work study and not show up, but I don't think they'd get it. I never really know what qualifies as a April Fools joke, if you joke with people on a daily basis, are you supposed to do something extravagant on the Day of the jesters? Ya' know, something huge, like kill somebody. I could always go the next step in my Hilary Duff fandom and physically stalk her for a day, she'd think its funny, she has a good sense of humor, right? I'm sure I'd be the first one to express my love for her in that way, if you don't believe me, why didn't we hear about anybody else stalking Ms. Duff. That's right, creative Terry knows how to get her attention. Now I'm confused of the rules again, am I supposed to say I'm kidding to avoid being taken to court or do I simply assume you all know I'm kidding because its April Fools Day. I'm thinkin' I'll go ahead and tell you, since many of you would not put this past me. Sorry Hil', you know I love you, I wouldn't stalk you. Speaking of Hilary, she's going to be on "The View" April 4th through the 8th, believe it or not. I honestly can not. I'm glad for Hilary, it will make her look like a more established person, since "The View" actually talks about stuff intelligently, but I'm worried the regular watchers of the show will not welcome her with such open arms as I would. I will say that I'm going to be watching those four episodes, and you should too. This will no doubt be some "interesting" television to say the least. This is not an April Fools Joke, Hilary will really be on "The View", I promise. Later Days.